Modern Day Samaritan Woman

Finding beauty in the hazy fog of forgetfulness!!

Honoring Old Age

A few months ago I wrote about my mother and the challenge we were facing in old age. Its been a trying time and we continue to search for the beauty in the fading twilight years and forgetfulness. We have learnt to capture all moments and hold on to only that which is good. Communication is sometimes difficult particularly when things have to be repeated several times over. From her perspective, I realized it must be so frustrating simply not remembering whether you were informed about something or not. 

On a practical note, I started a notebook for her in which we record all conversations, all decisions reached and all future expectations in terms of birthday parties for children’s and hair appointments. I have learnt to be patient.

I have realized that the lot of the previously  mentioned aggression and rage was really just confusion and a genuine forgetfulness on her part.  Consequently, a panic would set in because she just could not recall or remember being notified about an event, or visit or bit of family news.  This panic would result in fear and then aggression. The note book idea was one of my better ideas yet. She can simply reread and revisit old conversations whenever she wants to and familiarize herself with the contents, decisions and on occasion even a few jokes and nice quotes included.

We now share more smiles and laughs and less confusion and mis-communication. 

One of the most beautiful things for me at this time is my mother’s smile…It makes my day every time she flashes that smile at me. On many occasion this happens at 04:30am in the morning when no one feels like smiling, but I look for that smile to see me off too work.

A special dedication to my mother:

"When You Thought I Wasn't Looking," by Mary Rita Schilke Korzan:

When you thought I wasn't looking

You hung my first painting on the refrigerator

And I wanted to paint another.

When you thought I wasn't looking

You fed a stray cat

And I thought it was good to be kind to animals.

When you thought I wasn't looking

You baked a birthday cake just for me

And I knew that little things were special things.

When you thought I wasn't looking

You said a prayer

And I believed there was a God that I could always talk to.

When you thought I wasn't looking

You kissed me good-night

And I felt loved.

When you thought I wasn't looking

I saw tears come from your eyes

And I learned that sometimes things hurt -

But that it's alright to cry.

When you thought I wasn't looking

You smiled

And it made me want to look that pretty too.

When you thought I wasn't looking

You cared

And I wanted to be everything I could be.

When you thought I wasn't looking - I looked...

And wanted to say thanks

For all those things you did

When you thought I wasn't looking

I have to confess. I was afraid to get old. Afraid that I would be forgetful and difficult; but I’m not so fearful anymore. Sometimes, having to manage something, forces you to understand it better. Facing a fear, changes it into a challenge and then in a victory.

Do you have challenges, fears and difficult circumstances? How do you manage it? Do you face it and wade right through till you reach a solution or do you avoid it? Are you perhaps a caregiver to a parent? What have you done to keep the channels of communication open? 

Please share with me.

*Hugs* till next time.

Ariéte