Tuesday, 24 November 2015

Modern Day Samaritan Woman

Update!!! Coming to Terms with 
placing Mom in a Home.

Previously I shared about placing mom in a home and you can read that blog here

Then I shared how she was evicted within 24 hours after I queried her bruises. You can read that story here.

Now I would like to share how God stepped into desperate circumstances and rescued us!!! 

Our God is an Awesome God!!

Since the two previous blog posts several things have occurred that have not only restored my faith in mankind, but have also reminded me in the most amazing manner that God is still very much in charge and still very much involved in the daily activities and concerns of His children.

Summary of events since mom’s eviction:

I collected mom from the facility on the 11th of November 2015, and took her home, where she remained with my brother and sister-in-law, while I searched for a new facility for her. The search was urgent, and since we all work, time was of the essence. In the interim however, she became increasingly difficult to manage at home, restless and irritable because she was moved so often and completely out of her steady routine. However, on the 13th of November 2015, after she bit her young eight year old grand-daughter, because she wanted the doll she was playing with, we took her to the local hospital, in the hopes that they would be able to assist us.

She was immediately admitted, due to a lung infection that we were unaware of and treated on antibiotics for six (6) days. This gave us the opportunity to look around for a home. A small breather, but still we knew the search was urgent.

However, despite finding several different homes for the aged available, all of them require the necessary funds in order to admit her and since the funds I had were already paid to the previous home for November, my hands were tied. I simply had none. The social worker that I had approached for assistance also searched for a place for mom and couldn’t find one that would take mom without payment. I had reached a catch – 22 situation in which I could find homes, but couldn’t pay.

Meanwhile mom was going to be discharged from the hospital any day and we had to find something fast.

Have you ever felt so desperate that the pressure builds up within you and you feel as if you are going to explode into a thousand pieces? Your teeth almost constantly clenched against the stress that your jaw feels sore.

Perhaps even now while you reading this you are feeling exactly like this.

The pressure doesn’t let up because you must provide something and yet no matter how many phone calls, e-mails or pleas you make there just aren’t any solutions. Your body physically aches with the stress and mental anguish. Night times become a wrestling match with your bedding while you toss and turn and try come up with new ideas. Day times are spent between trying to fulfil your obligations and making endless phone calls and internet searches for assistance. In between you toss up random desperate “Oh Lord” cries, because you know He is the only One who can provide a solution, yet you seem incapable of even articulating a decent prayer request, far less actually praying it.

David also understood this kind of pressure. He cried out to God much like we still do…

Psalm 142:3-7 As I sink in despair, my spirit ebbing away, you know how I’m feeling, Know the danger I’m in, the traps hidden in my path. Look right, look left— there’s not a soul who cares what happens! I’m up against it, with no exit— bereft, left alone. I cry out, God, call out: ‘You’re my last chance, my only hope for life!’ Oh listen, please listen; I’ve never been this low. Rescue me from those who are hunting me down; I’m no match for them. Get me out of this dungeon so I can thank you in public. Your people will form a circle around me and you’ll bring me showers of blessing!” (The Message) Emphasis my own

(I have hope for you!!! Real tangible hope!!!
Just read on…)

On Monday afternoon, 16th of November 2015, just when I had reached the point of “almost” giving up, despite this not really being an option, since mom is my responsibility and I HAD to find a solution…I received a phone call from an acquaintance, requesting my bank details because he said that God was pressing on his heart to give me money for mom…

I was quite stunned and speechless, but I gave him my bank details and shortly afterwards, he paid a huge amount of money into my bank.

WOW!!! WOW!!! WOW!!!

Who does that? For a stranger? In this day and age? And in the middle of month? Seriously I cannot even begin to describe the relief, the amazement, and I admit I cried for hours…It was the most beautiful gesture and at exactly the right time.

God had already provided for mom at the beginning of the month and again, right in the middle of the month, He provided all over again… His first provision was stolen, but He owns all resources…He simply provided again. Where I couldn’t, He could and He did.

How Great is our God!!!

Needless to say, I spent that night in serious prayer. Now that I had the much needed, very welcome funds I didn’t want one cent of this money to be wasted. Every single cent belonged to God and I asked Him for the wisdom to know where to place mom. I tossed and turned again all night, but not in worry this time. This time it was thanksgiving and wonder…I knew that I had to still make the necessary phone calls but I also was so certain that He would show me exactly where He had planned for mom to be.
Within 24 hours I had my answer. On the 17th of November 2015, a simple message from a friend on Face Book to try a telephone number provided was all it took. I called the number late in the afternoon and when I spoke to the person who answered the phone, I immediately knew that I had found the place that would provide for mom.

When I asked how much I would need to pay in order to have her admitted directly upon discharge from the hospital, the amount they requested was precisely to the cent the amount that had been paid into my bank account. God had provided exactly the right amount.

There are no words to properly explain how desperate the situation was and no words to explain how in a matter of just 24 hours, when I was truly at my lowest, God turned the whole situation that was meant for evil, into good.

 On Friday, 20th of November 2015, mom was discharged from the hospital and moved into her new home. She immediately loved her room, the staff and other residents made her so very welcome, and by Saturday when I visited her again, she was quite settled in.

Have I mentioned how Great God is???

James 1:2-4[ Faith Under Pressure ] Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.” (The Message) Emphasis my own

This whole experience reminded me of a time many years ago when my son decided to start his own ant colony in an aquarium. He collected his sand and foliage and constructed things within his aquarium until the optimum conditions were met and then he introduced his ants to the aquarium. Day by day he provided the right amount of water and humus, funguses and whatever else was required by ants in order for them to thrive. They in turn dug their tunnels and chambers and every day when the worker ants emerged to forage they found the things they needed and carried, dragged the various items back into their tunnels and chambers.

The ants were unaware of their benefactor who daily tended to their requirements; but this did not mean that he (my son) was not indeed present and providing. At the time we spoke about the similarity of the relationship between God and mankind. God provides on a daily basis, and despite us being unaware of His provision, He is never the less providing just what we need.

There were times of calamity when tunnels that were dug precariously or too near the surface would collapse and the ants would pour out from other tunnels in order to escape. My son would grieve the losses encountered but would very carefully assist the ants by stabilizing the sand and/or foliage, and before long things would be as before. Similarly, calamity will occasionally occur on earth and in our personal lives, and although these things are sometimes blamed on God, they are more accurately acts of men, making bad choices or decisions that culminate in the tragedy.

He is ever faithful. Taking care of His creation.

As I mentioned in my first blog when I placed my mom in the home “my hope lies in the fact that my Creator lives and He still has the whole world in His hands …He reaches Mom when I can’t. He protects her when I’m not there. He comforts her with His presence when she is lonely and afraid…He will provide the answers. He truly is an Awesome God!!! We are never alone!!!

*Hugs* till next time.


Tuesday, 10 November 2015

Modern Day Samaritan Woman

Update!!! Coming to Terms with 
placing Mom in a Home.

Myth versus reality of Alzheimer’s 

Previously I wrote about placing mom in a home and you can read that blog here

Since then several things have occurred. Some good, but some extremely tasteless and quite unimaginable also.

I am appealing to all my readers to please read this blog and forward to as many people as possible because despite all the wonderful things done and written about Alzheimer’s, this blog is the reality of one obscure unknown family that desperately requires real tangible assistance. I am hoping that when you read this blog you will have an idea of how traumatic and difficult it really is to care for a loved one with Alzheimer’s when there is really no tangible real assistance available. Many people have opinions as what I should or should not do but without the funds available I simply cannot do any of these things.  Please read and if you sympathise and agree please share….It’s so very important to my family and I…If you don’t agree or think I am over the top its ok to ignore…At this point I’m no longer certain what the moral high ground really is anymore. It seems to me that anyone can do as they please nowadays…

According to Google Alzheimer’s is defined as progressive mental deterioration that can occur in middle or old age, due to generalized degeneration of the brain. It is the commonest cause of premature senility.

Blah blah blah !!!!   There are hundreds of sites on the internet all offering advice and blog posts and I can tell you that we have read most of them.

Did you know that this is supposedly Alzheimer’s awareness month and there is even a pretty purple ribbon that is circulating on Face Book and elsewhere to create awareness?

I have soaked up all the information on the internet like a piece of parched, dry ground that hasn’t seen water for years…But all this advice has meant “diddly squat” because we were unprepared for the blend of heartlessness and indifference we were to encounter.

Secondly, the sufferer is our mother and grandmother. You know…… the person everyone usually runs to for advice and guidance and just the comfort of a hug when your life is falling apart…like My mom has Alzheimer’s and I don’t know what to do and my heart is breaking because we are losing her and we can’t save her from this”. The only problem with this scenario is the person I want to run to for comfort and advice is the very person suffering from this horrible monstrous disease.

So the next step is naturally approach the professionals. The people who have studied and who work with Alzheimer’s patients for advice and guidance. This is obviously the next step in the logical sequence of things…

Except for one minor problem. In order to obtain professional assistance one has to have a lot of money. Money, just lying around waiting for the day that it would be required. Unfortunately my family and I are not so fortunate as to have a lot of money available to just place mom and expect excellent service.

No, we had to make numerous phone calls and mail numerous e-mails. While all the time struggling to cope and manage with mom at home. Eventually our prayers were answered and we found a place willing to take mom for the amount we could afford to club together.
Oh! The relief was tangible and we were all so excited that we had managed, despite the odds against us and the months of serious struggle to find a place for mom. Even mom was excited. Somewhere in her muddled brain she understood the pressure would be off us.

However within the first three weeks we already had concerns because mom went from 


I have darkened the edges only to hide the background.
The picture has not been tampered with in any manner.

In addition she had bruises on her arms and an open sore that was oozing blood and was uncovered when we visited with her. So as concerned family members we queried this (I think all responsible persons would do the same?) and the explanation provided was the student nurses were a bit rough and had been disciplined and retrained. 

 16 August 2015

16 August 2015

23 August 2015

My mother was also moved to another facility that could provide one on one care until her sores had healed. My brother and I accepted the explanation, after all these were the professionals and we were still attempting to merely come to terms with the knowledge that we were losing mom, one painful day at a time.

In the meantime I had sent a request that my mom remained within the home. At the time I sincerely believed that it was a better facility to care for her in that it was more “hospital like” and since she remained there for two months and I received no feedback whatsoever we believed that the matter was settled and that she could remain there.

However, on the 31st of October 2015, my brother went to visit her only to find that she wasn’t there at all, and had been moved without our knowledge of consent back to the original facility. Naturally we were upset as no one had bothered to inform us.  This person is our mother…a much loved, mourned for mother…not a possession or a piece of old furniture that can be moved around just like that.

She was then transferred to a third facility on the same day and we assumed that the matter was settled since we received no further feedback whatsoever from the powers that be and our numerous calls to the facility were met with “All is in order” responses, until I made my usual “check on mom” call on Thursday, the 5th of November 2015, only to find that she had again been moved back to the original facility, again without the families knowledge or consent. Apparently, if you are not paying the full amount, the powers that be can do as they please and the family are not required to be notified.

Naturally we were indeed upset about this because not only was it a shock to us, no one had informed us and we had no idea what was going on. Why was she moved? What exactly was the problem? No one could tell us and we were instructed to consult with the owner as she made the decision. She did not answer her phone and my e-mail went unanswered.

On the 6th of November 2015, my brother and I visited with mom and the Sister on Duty did an amazing job of calming us down and explaining that mom was apparently very unmanageable at the two facilities and was therefore transferred back. Just this one afternoon of direct communication already made us both feel better and we were departed believing completely that mom was in the best care.

We had not known that mom was difficult and naturally even had we known we would have expected the facilities to manage since they claim to be professional service providers to Alzheimer’s patients. During our visit; however we were concerned as mom had significantly more bruises than previously. (Apparently this was how she looked when she arrived and the explanation provided was that it was self-inflicted due to her attempting to climb out of windows and escape under hedges). If someone had communicated this with us during our weekend visits and numerous phone calls we would certainly have made the effort to either have the doctor adjust her medication or whatever the home suggested we do. After all, we are ignorant as to what we are supposed to do in these situations and rely on the home to provide us with the education and information.

06 November 2015
Below: Bruises and sores above the area where mom had a hip replacement and femur bone repair in April 2015. Who knows what it looks like inside?

Anyhow despite these photos we still believed that mom would be alright. The Sister on duty did am amazing job of reassuring us. After all we have made our concerns known. I had also expressed my heartbreak on a site on Face Book without mentioning the facility, only to attempt to find assistance and maybe some comfort or at the very least to find advice. Advice which I desperately needed.

After all…What exactly is the right response to the above? 
Who do you speak to? 
Who even cares? 
What is the right response when you cannot pay the full amount and are at the mercy of other people more powerful and wealthier than you are who call all the shots and blatantly ignore phone calls and e-mails? 
What is the right response when you are desperately scraping your cents together every single month to ensure the care of someone you love, while doing anything and everything necessary to make sure the nappies, toiletries and medication is provided on time and ahead of time? 

I know that I am not paying an absolute fortune but for me it may as well be millions because IT IS ALL THAT I HAVE!!! What exactly is the right response?

Do we just ignore the above bruises? 

Pretend they aren’t there? 

Blame mom for trying to escape when she is suffering from Alzheimer’s. 

This is why she is there in the first place. 

Entrusted into the care of people who claim to be the professionals.  

Finally, today on the 10th of November 2015, I received the long awaited response to my e-mail only to be attacked falsely as a bad payer and complainer of all sorts of irrelevant things I had never even thought about complaining about. Anything to discredit me and my two very legitimate concerns.There was no mention of the fact that mom had been moved without our knowledge and a brief no “big deal” mention made of the aforementioned bruises, because they were ALL self-inflicted anyway, but plenty of innuendo regarding how difficult mom is and what a terrible a payer I am. I agree I am not paying the full R7000-00 to R8000-00 and again I concede that the facility kindly agreed to this. However, we are also not receiving a total charity either, whereby we are contributing nothing at all. We are paying the pre-agreed amount. 

We are paying R5000-00 in total every single month, on time and always before the 1st of every month.

In addition to the above mentioned “Rent” we supply approximately R2000-00 worth of nappies, R500-00 for medication and another ±R500-00 towards toiletries every single month without fail.

None of above is a complaint. This is done with love for mom because she deserves this. We would obviously love to do more but we are stretched beyond our means at this point. However, had the home at any time consulted with me and informed me that they were no longer satisfied with the pre-arranged agreement regarding payment, we would certainly have made every effort in order to cooperate with them. The truth is no one ever mentioned this and we were under the impression that the agreement was still in order.

Then within minutes, of receiving the above mentioned e-mail I received another e-mail from the home informing me that mom’s contract has been terminated and that I have 24 hours in which to move her out.

My reaction:

       This is merely a spiteful, extremely unprofessional move. If they who are the professionals cannot manage her because she is “such a risk to herself and others” how are we who are uneducated regarding Alzheimer’s and definitely not professional supposed to cope at home? 

After all Alzheimer’s / Dementia Care is the full Crux of their Internet Advertising. 

How then can they claim that they are not coping? 

How are they managing the other Alzheimer Patients? 

Could my mother really be the only “difficult” patient? 

Is this not the full point of their Group’ existence? 

So instead of meeting with me, discussing the matter between adults 
and cooperating with mutually supporting solutions, 

there is now a tit for tat e-mail ping pong game, 
throwing about irrelevant accusations. 


 Is this really the correct response to what I truly believe to be legitimate concerns? 

I never in any manner spoke to any staff member disrespectfully nor 
made any accusations against the facility, owners or staff members. I merely was upset because she was moved without my knowledge, surely something that could have been accomplished with one phone call and queried how she had obtained so many bruises.

Clearly, the end of the matter is we dare not complain or raise a concern. The powers that be will not stand for it and since we; the poor people have no voice or authority of any kind we have to accept everything happens without a word???

After all they are making the huge concession of permitting us to pay less. ??? 

We are certainly appreciative of the arrangement that was made and although we are not paying the full amount, we are sticking to the PRE-AGREED amount without failing to pay and definitely never late.

Really is that what this world and the world of Alzheimer’s Care Givers 
has amounted to?

The sad fact is and the end of the matter is that this is a person, a seventy-eight year old woman, lady and mother that does not deserve any of this. She did not ask to suffer from Alzheimer’s, and were she able to understand she would have been quite distressed to know that she had been the center of such a struggle. This is a creative, artistic lady that produced many beautiful drawings, stories and paintings in her time, all the while working hard and raising two children single handily. She paid her taxes and contributed to the growth in this country, in her time. 

She should be looked after and cared for and loved by her family and this is what we all expected to do willingly; however none of us foresaw the Alzheimer’s that was to follow.

Why is it so difficult to find professional assistance in this regard? As mentioned earlier this is Alzheimer’s Awareness Month. Sending pretty purple ribbons around, certainly creates a form of awareness but so much more is needed, in order to assist the families who are facing this.

As I sit here typing and reliving this all over again, worrying about what the 11th of November 2015 will bring and trusting God with a solution, because quite frankly I cannot understand any of the above. 

Is no one accountable anymore?

Does throwing an old woman out of a much needed care facility really do justice simply because the family have raised a few concerns?

Are there no more morals and simply “This is the right thing” anymore?

Does everything amount to our bank accounts and how much we can pay or better yet get out of someone else?

As I mentioned in my first blog when I placed my mom in the home “my hope lies in the fact that my Creator lives and He still has the whole world in His hands …He reaches Mom when I can’t. He protects her when I’m not there. He comforts her with His presence when she is lonely and afraid…He will provide the answers and He will not let anyone (including me) get away with mistreating another person, exploiting a situation for my own ends, or merely looking the other way just because someone does not have enough money to just hand over.”

*Hugs* till next time.


Tuesday, 3 November 2015

Modern Day Samaritan Woman

Professional Wait ‘ers?

We all go through various seasons in our lives, at different times, for some of us the seasons pass quickly from one thing to another thing and for others the changes take longer, but what about the season that does not pass? I have read a lot about the various challenges people face, but I haven’t read anything about a season that 
just does not pass.

For me that season is waiting. I am a “Wait’er” A professional “Wait”er

My season of waiting began about forty years ago and despite experiencing many life changing circumstances during this time period, good and bad, my “waiting” season has not passed. Thankfully, I am not always consciously aware that I am waiting, but recently my awareness of waiting has flared up again very strongly and I realized that I am still waiting.

This brought about the question. Is this a bad thing? Waiting for most of us, is usually considered a waste of time. We don’t like queues or waiting for others in traffic. The month feels long when we are waiting for our pay checks and people who are tardy for appointments are considered as wasting our time, so in general waiting feels like a negative thing.

How does waiting feel? Waiting to me feels like being driven to the edge of sanity sometimes, especially when I don’t know how long I will be waiting for. Ask any mother whose child is in emergency surgery? Or the patient waiting for the results of blood tests? The prisoner waiting for time to pass to expected freedom. The terminal patient, having been told time is short and waiting to die. Or any aged person waiting for a visit from loved ones?

One more hour, one more day, one more week, one more month, one more year, one more decade, one more century, or one complete lifetime. Waiting indefinitely is enough to drive someone right over the edge.

I have given these times of waiting lots of names during my life. I’ve called it patience, endurance, perseverance, faithfulness and even loneliness because most of the time this waiting has been very lonely exercise, when others have not understood exactly. Others have also given my “waiting” names like ignorance, stupidity, wasteful, indifference, even peculiar.

However, by whichever name it is called, my waiting season has continued unabated through the years, until recently when it has been brought to focus in my life again.

Can I really be the only one in this constant waiting mode? I can’t believe it and I don’t believe it. Why do we not speak of it or hear of it more often? Am I ignorant? Am I stupid? Or am I just peculiar? Am I wearing a mask or are others wearing masks, smiling and confident, going through life’s motions while waiting, waiting and waiting some more?
I believe there are many professional “wait”ers…We just aren’t really aware of one another.

Waiting has several sounds. 

Waiting can sound like the distant barking of a dog…constant, continuous, nagging…but distant enough away not to directly annoy but a reminder none the less.

Waiting can sound like a radio playing incessantly in the background…you hear tiny fragments of songs playing and spoken words, white noise really, but the general gist of the conversations goes unnoticed.

Waiting can sound like the whir whir of an overhead fan, going round and round at a constant steady speed, moving but going nowhere fast.

Waiting can chip away steadily at your resolve and sanity, bit by bit eroding your resistance, as the steady dripping of water erodes rock surfaces, until you find yourself at the edge, but at the edge of what exactly?

The enemy of our souls often uses these times of waiting and our awareness of waiting to whisper into our ears, telling us lies, about ourselves, our lives, our loved ones and even our God.

And if we are not careful to shut out these whispers we will be swept away in these lies. 
1 John 5:21Little children (believers, dear ones), guard yourselves from idols—[false teachings, moral compromises, and anything that would take God’s place in your heart].” AMP

Because we are told to WAIT on the Lord.

Psalm 27:14 
“Wait for and confidently expect the Lord; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for and confidently expect the Lord.” AMP

The truth is we are waiting…I am waiting to be reunited with my Creator. Until then we will never be fulfilled, never be entirely satisfied with our existence and life. I have been waiting to truly belong… to belong somewhere and to belong to someone for almost as long as I can remember…waiting that has seemed endless.

There is no possession, occupation, parent, child, husband, wife or sibling that can fill the void that only God can fill.  Yes I am a Child of the Most High God and He certainly is my God and King, but until I am in His actual presence, I simply don’t belong fully and completely on this planet or even in this existence. I am peculiar and I feel alien, even when in the company of people I call my own and know well.

I have heard His voice and I have His seen His face beaconing me to follow Him. He called me as a young girl and ever since then I have been following but also waiting…I have been restlessness most of my life…

Waiting to return to His presence…

1 Peter 2:9
“But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light;” KJV

So although the waiting is hard, lonely and long, my prayer is that my restlessness will not cause me to miss the mark altogether. Rather, that my restlessness will cause me and my loved one’s to press in, to press on, and to press home…to the place where every person ever created has a place of belonging…Where the waiting will cease forever and we will be in the presence of the One to whom we will know fullness and complete belonging…

Do you also feel as if you have been waiting for something, someone, forever? Perhaps that’s the point. We should all be professional wait”ers…Waiting and yearning for the true lover of our souls…Surely He is Worth waiting for.

*Hugs* till next time.